Thoughts on Suffering

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I fell apart yesterday.  Something collapsed like a tile of dominoes, falling down a trail of reactions, one after another.  Before that single moment everything was fine, but all of a sudden it began to grow and expand into something too thick to see through.  I fell apart in suffering, a cruel spirit that I channel whenever I choose to give into it.  And with a mind of bricks smashing down on top of soft feathers, I searched for answers to the problems compounding, pounding, pounding.  The mortar of raw emotion makes a nice seat for each block to settle into.  Every layer I built up only created a wall that I couldn’t see beyond.

There I was, laying in my bed, hands around my head, lost in a blank stare of frustration.  What could I do to overcome from this seemingly hopeless point of no return?  Looking into this abundance of unknown that surrounds me, I rested into a quiet place within, a place of surrender.  And I began to send out a prayer, asking for your guidance and strength to let go of the things that no longer give light to a greater purpose.

Waking up the next morning my mind was as fresh as the new day, but hope was still matted and wrinkled with a scent of the weight that lingered before.  I asked you what I should do, but didn’t see any answers waiting for me.  I asked you for a sign, but in place of brick and mortar, my mind was left empty.  Once occupied, this space now blooms in clarity.  And if only for a short while, these feathers of hope are coming alive.  Lifting up into the wind, they are finding their way in whatever possibilities may arise.

 

~ jeffrey vionito

 

Picture by:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/bnm12/6253711484/

4 thoughts on “Thoughts on Suffering

  1. Sometimes a structure, even a human one, has to allow the bricks to fall away because they are keeping something magnificent out and we need to open the space to let in the new plan for rebuilding. The plans for your new structure will come to Light…just breathe, and allow it to happen as it is meant to. Sometimes, we also do not get to see “how”, but we are to Believe that it “Is”. Blessings to you!

  2. Winding road says:

    Really beautiful imagery in your writing. I enjoy it very much. I am late to this post yet again. But very happy that you were able to find clarity, breaking down that wall before the mortar dries is very admirable.

    • Thank you so much! Im glad you found your way to it eventually. Its a life long strugge for us all im sure but the mind always seems to be a hard space to keep clean of all that. Doesnt it?! Haha either way, cleaning is therepeutic so i clean and clean and clean

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